Red Ink in California
California's budget deficit has soared to more than $25 billion... mostly because 18,000 Taco Bells have closed down ever since the voters rejected legalizing marijuana.



Social Security Cuts?
The leaders of the deficit reduction commission are recommending deep cuts in Social Security. 500,000 angry grandmothers are sharpening their knitting needles as we speak.



Boehner Says No
Incoming House Speaker John Boehner says he won't use military aircraft like Nancy Pelosi did for official travel. Boehner refuses to fly on airplanes that don't have tanning beds on them.




Cal State Tuition Hikes
The Cal State Board of Governors has approved a 15% tuition hike. Cal State students would protest, but they haven't learned percentages in class yet.



UN on N. Korea
A new UN report shows that North Korea is still engaging in arms smuggling. The UN is interested in this news in hopes that more countries will learn where to get the guns to kill Jews.





November 11th



1500: Louis XII of France and Ferdinand II of Aragon agree to divide the Kingdom of Naples between them. But their plan is foiled when they run out of their border-making roll of duct tape.


1921: The Tomb of the Unknowns is dedicated by President Warren G. Harding at Arlington National Cemetery. Harding mistakenly believes the tomb is to be used to bury all his un-named illegitimate children.


1930: Patent number US1781541 is awarded to Albert Einstein and Leó Szilárd for their invention, the Bedazzler.