Democrats Abandon Obama
More and more Congressional Democrats are abandoning President Obama's tax deal. It's not clear whether it's because they disagree with the compromise, or because he didn't get any of them an X-Box Kinect for Christmas.



Doctors Quitting
A new survey shows that 74% of American doctors are considering quitting in the next two years because of Obamacare. The other 26% will stay on to continue operating on Joan Rivers.



Drug Breaks Curbed
Drug companies will no longer be providing discount prescription medications to children's hospitals... mainly because most 8-year-olds still couldn't afford the lower co-pays for grape-flavored Viagra.



AT&T Slammed
Consumer Reports says AT&T is by far the worst cell service carrier. AT&T is trying to respond to the story, but its calls to the magazine keep getting dropped.



Edwards Dies
Elizabeth Edwards has died at age 61. Husband John Edwards plans to name his next illegitimate child after her.






December 8th


1660: Margaret Hughes becomes the first actress to appear on an English public stage, making her the most loved and hated person in the history of the world by gay men throughout history.


1980: John Lennon is shot to death by Mark David Chapman. Chapman is later forgiven when it’s determined that he was aiming for Yoko Ono.


1993: The North American Free Trade Agreement is signed into law by President Bill Clinton… who immediately celebrates by hiring 15 cheap Mexican hookers.