Teacher Viagra
The Milwaukee teachers union has dropped its battle to continue getting taxpayer-funded Viagra. The union finally realized that it doesn't need to be sexually aroused to continue screwing the public.



Ensign Quitting
Sen. John Ensign will not seek a third term representing Nevada in the U.S. Senate... which could only mean he's run through all the hookers in Washington, D.C.



Bike Lawsuit
A new lawsuit seeks to erase bike lanes in New York City. Another lawsuit seeks to erase the memory of overweight guys in bicycle shorts.



Red Ink
The federal deficit for February alone was $223 billion... and that was before the FBI and the DEA went into full Charlie Sheen crisis mode.



AOL All-Time Low
AOL stock has hit an all-time as it closes its deal to buy the Huffington Post. Paying for Ariana Huffington's prozac alone is expected to cut into most of any projected profits through 2017.





March 8th

1844: King Oscar I sits on the thrones of Sweden and Norway… meaning he had to do both jobs half-assed.


1911: International Women's Day is launched in Copenhagen, Denmark, by Clara Zetkin, a bar owner looking for an excuse to sell half-priced drinks.


2010: The stolen body of Tassos Papadopoulos, 5th President of Cyprus, is discovered in a cemetery near the capital. This is what happens when people stop buying the corpses of former presidents on eBay.