Groundhog Day
The groundhog has come out of his hole and predicted six more weeks of winter. Of course, trusting a groundhog is no dumber than trusting the UN climate panel's bogus warnings about global warming.



Ford's Big Month
Ford posted a 24% sales increases last month. Most new Ford customers say they desperately needed a reliable car to get to their lawyers' office and sue Toyota.



Volcker Rule
Former Fed Chairman Paul Volcker is unveiling a plan today to separate banks from owning and running hedge funds. Unfortunately, our financial system will never be safe until the government can separate the banks from cocaine and hookers.


Volcker will also say that big banks should be "euthanized" and not bailed out the next time they fail. It's a very courageous move for Volcker... not because it's a tough financial policy, but because it takes guts for an 82-year-old man to use the word euthanasia in public.



Baggage Issues
The bad news is a new report says that the new luggage fees on airlines do not lead to improved service or fewer lost bags. The good news is baggage handlers are less likely to try to steal stuff from your bags since they know the fees are making you too broke to have any valuables anyway.




Illegal Money
The new White House budget gives $1 billion to California to keep illegal aliens in jail. Of course, they could just give the state money to keep illegals from crossing the border in the first place... but that would be racist.






February 2nd


962: Pope John XII crowns Otto I, Holy Roman Emperor, the first Holy Roman Emperor in nearly 40 years. The delay was mostly because all the best Holy Emperor candidates kept fathering children with campaign aides.


1653: New Amsterdam, (later renamed The City of New York), is incorporated... but only after getting approval from the teachers' union.


1848: The Mexican-American War ends with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. After the ceremony, all the Mexican signatories illegally immigrate to the United States.


1901: Queen Victoria's funeral takes place... which was very embarrassing sinc she didn't die until three weeks later.


1920: France occupies Memel... then sneaks out of Memel's apartment the next morning without even leaving a note.