Detroit Farms?
Detroit is planning to fight urban blight by razing 10,000 homes and replacing them with farmland. If Detroit does become overrun by farms, it will change its name from Motown to Hoe-Town.



Obama Claim
President Obama now says passing the health care reform bill will take $1 trillion off the deficit... mostly because government-controlled health care is likely to kill about a million expensive seniors on Social Security.



Rahm in the Shower
Congressman Eric Massa says he's been forced out of the House by Rahm Emanuel. He also claims Emanuel confronted him naked in the shower... which is ridiculous, because if getting naked with a Congressman in the shower is all it takes to get them to quit, everyone would have resigned years ago!



Census Moves
The Census will help decide just how much federal funds each state will get in the coming years, which is why Wyoming and Idaho are making it legal to marry cows.



Soda Price Effect
A new study shows that if the price of soda increased by 18%, people would lose about 5 pounds a year... more importantly, they would fart 33% less.



MLB Report
A panel report on improving the fan base for Major League Baseball suggests shortening the playoffs that currently last for three weeks... it might also help if they do something about the games that currently last about 16 hours.





March 9th



1566: David Rizzio, private secretary to Mary, Queen of Scots, is murdered.. Mary is late for all her appointments for the rest of the day.


1856: The Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity is founded at the University of Alabama, meaning that fraternities were available on campus well before shoes.


1959: The Barbie doll makes its debut at the American International Toy Fair in New York. She is now exclusively seen on local TV newscasts.