Jobs Report
Experts are looking for a loss of 50,000 jobs when the February employment report comes out this morning. But those jobs are expected to be found somewhere under the snow at the mall parking lot.



Ferries Stuck
Four ferries carrying about 1,000 people have been freed from heavy ice off the coast of Sweden. Now that all the passengers are safe, they plan to get together and kill Al Gore.



Paterson Pressure
New York Governor David Paterson is facing more pressure to resign in light of the fact that he illegally obtained free World Series tickets from the Yankees. In fact, if he doesn't quit soon, the state legislature is threatening to give him free tickets to the Mets.



Spring Break Warning
The Texas Department of Public Safety is telling college students not to visit Mexican border cities during spring break... because if there's one thing spring breakers want no part of, it's drugs, hookers and cheap booze.



Education Protests
A California movement protesting budget cuts in the state education system has burgeoned into a nationwide protest... mostly because the kids in all the other states want to cut class and "protest" too.






March 5th


1496: King Henry VII of England authorises John Cabot and his sons to explore unknown lands... making them the first and only men to ever ask for directions.


1946: Winston Churchill uses the phrase "Iron Curtain" in his speech at Westminster College, Missouri. Luckily, he repeats the phrase two weeks later at a college where the students and faculty knew what he was talking about.


1979: Voyager makes its closest approach to Jupiter, getting as close as 172,000 miles... but then has to go back because to Earth it forgot its parking pass.